Early in my coaching work, I noticed that the leaders people wanted to follow weren't necessarily the most senior or the most polished. They were the ones you could predict. You knew how they'd react when you brought them bad news, when you disagreed with them, or when you were the least important person in the room.
That predictability doesn't come from personality. It comes from principles.
Write down how you want to show up
One of the most useful things you can do as a leader is to name a few principles for how you want to show up: the kind of presence you want people to experience when they work with you. Not values on a poster, but short, personal commitments. For example:
- I listen to all opinions, even the ones that make me uncomfortable.
- I focus on the problem, not the person.
- I make everyone feel valued, no matter how "important" their role is on the project.
You won't have them all on day one
Your principles take shape as you lead. Some will come from moments you're proud of, others from moments you'd rather forget. Keep the list open. Add to it, edit it, and let go of the ones that don't ring true anymore. Keep the ones that resonate most.
Say them out loud
Here's the part people skip. Read your principles regularly, out loud, to yourself. Anyone who has learned a second language knows that fluency doesn't come from understanding a phrase once. It comes from repetition until the words become yours. Principles work the same way. The more you revisit them, the more your mind starts operating from them without effort, especially in the moments that test you.
Principles build gravity
Over time, these principles quietly shape how you lead and how others perceive you. And they have a powerful side effect: they create gravity.
People who share those principles are drawn toward you. They want to belong to your team and to the vision you're building. Those who don't connect with that way of working tend to drift away on their own. No confrontation, no forcing. Just a natural sorting.
That's what makes it easier to build a team around your vision. You're not convincing people one by one. You're showing up consistently, and letting the right people find their way in.